I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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