You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
