My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
