I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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