Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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