You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
