I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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