By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
