I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When are your genitals available?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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