so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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