what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
