Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
