I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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