I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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