I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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