youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
