i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
