The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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