it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize