I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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