we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
