Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
