We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
