I hate your face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
