he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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