I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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