i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
