I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I love you. Go after that dick
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
