thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
should my penis look like a turkey
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
