Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
