i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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