Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize