im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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