I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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