shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
