i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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