shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
