ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
