we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize