can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
