i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
