I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
