And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
