First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
