I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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