I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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