the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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