Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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