No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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