my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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