he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
