he puts the penis in happiness.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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