This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
