Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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