Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
