he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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