if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
