i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
