oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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