I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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