i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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