i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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