Got a toothbrush?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
