Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
