Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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