My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
