so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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