Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
handjob tips. give me some.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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