We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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