Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
