It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
