two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
