Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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