Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
