I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
